Nature's Fighting Back!

Coronavirus could be nature's retaliation for the climate crisis

Recently I had one of those sleepless, tossing and turning kinda nights. One where the mind spins like a Corona press conference while your body sweat's it like an Amazon warehouse.

Then suddenly, as if by magic, I awoke to a place of peace and calm and magical light bulbs. That place where your deepest insights surface and everything seems to make karmic sense. Where colours are brighter, sounds are intensified and smells are, well, fragrant right to the point where you came to realise that you're not trippin’ with the Kardashians but instead lying on an old pair of slippers.

I wasn't in heaven or hell or even Nigella Lawson's kitchen, I was being struck by that proverbial light bulb moment.

It had suddenly hit me that the most prophetic crisis of our time, the one that makes Corona look like a gnat on a flea on a Mexican bottled beer, had found its miracle cure. The climate change crisis had discovered its Viagra, its hydroxychloroquine, its Trumpian antidote without having to figure out how to turn his ceaseless twitter thing off.

Nature has its very own cure for the climate crisis and its called Covid-19. Yes, Coronavirus, may be a pain up the human butt, but it could also prove to be the ultimate cure for the planet. Nature's way of rebalancing itself. You know, just like David Attenborough or Tonto or my meditation guru told me so.

Can you blame nature? Millions of Corona infected people probably can, echoed by a tragic amount of deceased, but perhaps it's nature's ultimate wake up call screaming out:

‘If we have to wait for the UN to come up with a coherent plan to solve global warming you won't need Nigella's convection cook top to boil the water, you'll just dunk the pasta in the sea. And forget letting off air to get the hot tub going, global warming will have it to the point where losing the mother in law takes on a whole new in-tub dimension'.

You see, the planet couldn't wait any longer for us mortals to come up with a plan to save it or for Bozzer to host a conference in Glasgow, so it invented its very own miracle cure.

And, to be honest, you couldn't have figured out a more perfect way to solve the climate thing than Covid. It's like it was purpose built for it. Better designed than an iPhone. More purpose built than a Bovis home. Better fitting than Pamela Anderson's bikini. Well, maybe that's going too far.

Experts have told us that the four highest-impact actions an individual can effect to tackle climate change are to eat a plant-based diet (sorry MickeyD), avoid air travel (sorry Rich Branson), live car-free (sorry everyone), and have fewer children (sorry MickeyD again). Coronavirus miraculously tackles all four simultaneously.

The plant based diet thing mostly because we'll be so broke that we'll only be able to afford to eat the grass off our lawn. The having kids part because no one wants to have sex in lockdown and after that who in the world would want to have sex ever again just to risk having kids around for the next lockdown. (Have you met my teenagers?). And for the answer to air travel and being car-free go back to the plant-based diet bit.

But Corona, the miracle cure for the climate crisis, doesn't just stop there. Oh no, its got us so scared of bat's and pangolins and any other wild virus carrying creature or heading into a forest that we'll never go anywhere near one again which neatly deals with the habitat destruction thing.

And as if that wasn't enough, it looks like most of the predators on the planet are planning to rise up and eat us because thanks to Corona they’ve figured out that they've got us on the run and we're not quite as smart and dominating as we conned them into thinking we were.

And, as if we needed another nail in our human coffin, they'll hone in on the fact that we must be a really low form of sub species given the odd folk we've chosen as pack leaders to get us through/amplify the Corona mess. So they'll hoover up enough of us to permanently deal with the over-population and car and travel bits and pretty much any other human created climate hell in a basket invention we came up with over the last 100 years.

I think when I die, which by the look of things could be pretty soon, I'll return as a bat.

If, on the other hand, you want to do something about climate change today read the 10 steps each us can take to help solve the climate crisis.